Books like the truths about dating and mating

To a great degree, we create the world we live in, although we are rarely conscious of this process.We can, in fact, make a choice whether to see our fate through a victimized lens or choose to be goal-directed and take power over our lives.With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up varying degrees of bitterness and becoming defended.This process begins long before we start dating, in our childhoods, when hurtful interactions and dynamics lead us to put up walls or perceive the world through a filter that can negatively impact us as adults.So, the question for the single person looking for love is: what are the internal challenges I need to face?1) Defenses Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships.We think of dating certain people as “settling” without ever seeing how that person could make us happy in the long-term.A friend of mine felt closed off to a man who pursued her for more than a year.

You’re not that great.” These fears may cause us to hold on to relationships without potential or to feel attracted to people who aren’t really available, because they reinforce our negative image of ourselves, which feels more comfortable and familiar, albeit painful.3) Fear of Intimacy As my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, wrote in his article “You Don’t Want What You Say You Want,” “Most of us profess that we want to find a loving partner, but the experience of real love disrupts fantasies of love that have served as a survival mechanism since early childhood…If, for example, you were raised by parents or caretakers who were negligent or cold, you may grow up feeling distrusting of affection.You may feel suspicious of people who show “too much” interest in you and instead, you seek out relationships that recreate dynamics from your past.The point of this article isn’t to stereotype all single women or men or to put anyone in a box.However, for people, particularly those over 30, who are looking for answers to the puzzling question “why am I still single?

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