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Which means it's both ultimatum and bluff-calling time.

So long as your husband thinks he can dictate terms by pointing to his triggers and his trauma, GMHC, he has every incentive to continue being triggered and traumatized.

After trying some new arrangements—only together, only at sex parties, DADT—he realized he wasn't comfortable with any situation.

He told our therapist that every time I hooked up with someone, he was retraumatized because it reminded him of the time I broke up with him for six months 20 years ago.

The tragedy is how unnecessary your choices have been.

There are women out there who aren't interested in monogamy, there are female cuckolds out there (cuckqueans) who want cheating husbands, and there are masochistic women (and men) out there who get off on the thought of being with a person who would like to crush them. We met in college and, except for a six-month break, we've been together ever since.

While people outside the relationship might perceive that as unfair—one gets to cheat, the other doesn't—what's more ideal than both halves of a couple getting just what they want?

But if an eroticized power imbalance—an honestly erotized one—doesn't turn you on, the creepily manipulative arrangement your husband is proposing certainly isn't going to work.

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People are often way more resilient than we give them credit for, and convincing ourselves that our partners can't handle the truth is often a convenient justification for lying to them. While my husband had jealousy and trust issues, he hooked up with others regularly.

He says this would be best, since my hooking up triggers him. But they were cuckold couples, GMHC, and the half who didn't "get to" hook up with others didn't want to hook up with others.

The cuck half of a cuckold couple gets off on their partner "cheating" on them.

You're a handsome couple—thanks for enclosing the lovely picture (sometimes it's nice to see the face of the person I'm responding to!

)—with a long history together, and here's hoping things work out.

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