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One minute you're high on the warmth of their attention, the next minute you're frozen out and left wondering what happened. Whether you call it push/pull, on/off, or hot and cold, the end result is the same. Whether done consciously or unconsciously, this type of behavior activates longing and pursuit. If we don't understand the game of hot and cold, we can find ourselves pulled into a drama of confusion. Understanding this type of behavior is crucial even for those of you committed to not playing games.
What was once readily available is suddenly gone, and no matter how hard we try to regain our partner's former affection, it now seems beyond our reach. They don't need more time to figure out their emotions. The phases of Hot and Cold: The "hot" phase begins with a bang of overwhelming recognition. Bathed in newfound attention, flattery and flirtation spark a strong attraction for this person.
It's long been the rule that when dating someone whose behavior is marked by hot and cold reactivity, you're standing on shaky ground.
This is the core thinking of the partner who initiates hot/cold, and serves as their safety net to vulnerability. Because relationship uncertainty makes human beings yearn for stability.
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