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He insists that I consented, and that he didn’t realize that I was asleep, in spite of the fact that first time this happened, he said “You’re only into it when you’re half-asleep.” We’ve been having huge, massive fights ever since. He went 4 years being a normal guy, minus the fact that he’s always liked my feet. He loves his family, he loves his friends, he loves his pets, and he aspires to changing the world for the better. But nonetheless, I am afraid of the implications of his actions. And I came to the startling conclusion that I might be experiencing sexsomnia…I am a very deep sleeper, he says I consented and even participated (though I DON’T remember it), I have sexual dreams, and I enjoy messing around with him and am even turned on until I come to full consciousness. Your boyfriend didn’t put you in this position — at least not by himself. First, let me make this clear — non-consensual sex is never okay (unless it is a part of pre-agreed-upon sexual play). It’s an issue of serious sexual dysfunction in an otherwise seemingly good relationship. That is probably lost somewhere in the last 5 years.

What you describe could very well be considered rape or sexual assault and it’s something you should consider reporting to the police if it continues and you have no further interest in this relationship. What matters is that you are both now stuck in a cycle that is disturbing to your both and that could very well end the relationship.

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