Rules of dating for men
I hated him and I hated her and I hated myself for getting involved with him and expending all that time and energy on him and the relationship.
However, in looking back I can understand exactly why it happened.
He got a real job, he committed to her, he took her on romantic dates, he was happy and alive. The short version of this very long conversation is that while he did love and care for me, being with me made him feel like an even bigger loser.
I felt devastated and I beat myself up over it for months. The more I tried to “fix” him, the more damaged he felt. The more I tried to make his life easier, the more comfortable he became with his own misery.
The one thing I wish I had realized a decade ago, when the guy I considered to be the love of my life cheated on me, is that it really had nothing to do with me, it was the result of his own internal issues. The reason I was so confused back then is I didn’t have an understanding of the male psyche, and I didn’t know the internal psychological factors that cause men to cheat.It’s not that he doesn’t love his partner, she just can no longer connect to him in the way he wants most and when that sort of pure appreciation comes from another source he can’t help but be drawn to it. During the workday, he is on fire with passion and thrives off of meeting the daily challenges of his job.After killing it all day, he comes home feeling on top of the world and wants to share that energy with his girl. He feels like she doesn’t accept the most important part of his life, the thing that makes him feel effective and worthwhile.She quickly dismisses him and says, “You know I don’t understand all that technical stuff, it just makes no sense to me. Since she doesn’t care about what he does, he seeks that type of understanding elsewhere.He may spend more time with people who are part of that world, or are passionate about the same kind of mission.